Juicy Healing

eating disorder?

2008-06-01T12:00:00.002+02:00

i know i've had health problems and that parasites screwed up my digestive system. I also know i now have major problems with digestive motility. but i am clearly in a bulemic physical pattern - i read about the physicological aspects of bulemia and this seems to be the case with me - without the depression and screwed up life - in my case if i'm depressed its chronic illness, but usually i'm quite happy and strong. anyway i can't feel when i'm hungry or full very well and i binge majorly a few times a week - for bulimics they say this is because of need for seratonin. i then want to compensate by fasting the next day - in my case fasting to stop my belly from feeling so crap. but also have a bit of an eating disordered site as i'm also scared of weight gain or even staying this weight b/c i would prefer to be skinny - but i personally think i'm not that far from normal with this and according to my psychotherapist friend mentally i'm a far cry from what is normally considered eating disordered. yet i am considering asking a psychiatrist to help me and taking prozac. it's supposed to help regulate the seratonin that can help break the binge/purge cycle. i think this may help me recover from all the throwing up. the parasites are gone - i feel like if i could just get into eating a normal food pattern that i may just be able to recover. but then when i throw up everything gets screwed up again - and so i get into the physical binging/purging cycle. i really really want to break free from this!!!!

other IBS trigger foods

2008-05-25T13:13:00.002+02:00

red/dark meat - well i don't eat these

milk products - yup and they're addictive!

egg yolks - really?!! i didn't know this, i do notice that my intestines always feel crap after eating yolks - i thought it was the bacteria, maybe this is another reason

fried foods, potato chips - way too fatty - any fat causes problems for me, except a bit of olive oil every now and then

margarine - i don't usually eat this

coconut, olives - yes often noticed problems with these

nuts - oh so problematic for me

well learning a lot from www.helpforibs.com :)

yogurt

2008-05-25T12:36:00.004+02:00

on that same ibs website: http://www.helpforibs.com/ i read that milk products in any way shape or form are bad for IBS. this may be why I had problems with the goats milk yogurt. it's casein the protein that is just hard to digest, waisays.com also warns about this plus its addictive properties. that i also definitely noticed on my binge yesterday. so i'm giving yogurt a rest for now. hello juiced greens and spirulina for protein i think!

gut irritants

2008-05-25T12:21:00.004+02:00

so i've been surfing to help figure out what helps and doesn't help. i came across this website on ibs: http://www.helpforibs.com/diet/faq.asp - even though my problems are more upper GI i get lower GI problems b/c of the gastroparesis.

one thing that the site lists is gut irritants - these definitely seem to be a problem for me: vinegar, carbonated drinks, hot peppers, citric acid
others she lists may cause more problems than i realize: citrus fruits, cooked tomatoes, coffee (don't drink it), (green) tea - definitely have this and i've thought it wasn't quite right for me before, sulphuric veggies - these sure as hell make me smell bad,

then there's cocoa powder: it's ok for IBS b/c the caffeine and fat are removed from the cocoa bean but the theobromine is apparently a muscle relaxant and so it also relaxes the esophageal sphincter muscle and isn't good for GERD. i've defintely noticed problems with raw cocoa beans, but actually i think i may be able to handle this powder. i'm pretty sure i can handle peppermint tea which is also supposed to have the same effect. this is something worth trying b/c i love my chocolate banana ice creams :) i can make these fat free (just frozen bananas, sweetener like maple syrup and cocoa powder). i really love frozen desserts :)

anyway i'm going avoid the gut irritants i know to cause problems and start paying attention to my body's reactions to the other ones

bad days, binging and coping

2008-05-25T10:17:00.005+02:00

my coping strategies on bad days aren't very good. i don't exercise, i don't get outside much, i do eat things that i know will make me feel worse and i don't just eat a little - it becomes a wierd cycle - eat something and throw up, calm down with tea and honey then i get the incredible need to eat more and repeat. i'm pretty sure it starts because i'm just really hungry. my body doesn't care what it eats as long as is gets food - this is also accompanied with cravings for fatty, salty and sweet foods - that are above all filling. my stomach wants to feel full - which is actually a crappy feeling because then it doesn't empty and everything comes back up. pffff so anyway i did one healthy day of this 2 days ago (binged on raw cashews and young coconut) and then a day of not so healthy foods, but at least without lots of preservatives etc. (chicken soup, salmon, potatoes with healthfood store mayonnaise, applesauce, dark chocolate, 3 dutch pancakes with old farmer's cheese and maple syrup and herbal tea popsicles). that was a serious binge!

ok so how was i feeling and how can i better cope with it? i had had 7 days of juicing + yoghurt and didn't always keep my juices down, plus i had some mornings and afternoons of not getting in any calories. i also felt like i was getting a cold, just weak and tired - this started with the yoghurt (i don't think milk products are good for me - its not just lactose that's the problem). then of course the frustration after yet another doctor's appointment, a friend who didn't understand and that the spanish course i wanted to follow may not take place.

so for me lack of calories + disappointment -> binging.

this has happened so often lately :( i think me was fasting for healing has been counterproductive - i get too big a calorie deficit and all i notice is major cravings a few days later. and its not just healing i want. i also want to lose a little weight - not that i'm not already on the thin side of normal, but i like the model thin look which has a lot to do with my ex best friend who had anorexia. i shared a flat with her and her thought and behavior patterns slowly became normal to me. i also really wanted to help her as she was very depressed. i gave up a lot for her and love(d) her dearly. it's a long story, but she's been on my mind a lot because we parted on bad terms a while back - she didn't want to see me anymore and i didn't know what i had done wrong - it felt awful, i felt awful - i'd lost my best friend. i often couldn't get it out of my head and missed her a lot - we also had very good times.

before i had met her i had never been aware of my weight. i'd always been athletic, healthy and thin but not skinny. i was into health foods and a difficult eater - given the lactose intolerance and a strong to desire to be feel healthy (apparently i've had health problems for most of my life, but they were never really a focus - didn't often go to doctors, but i did do my best to feel my best). she often commented on my weight. was very jealous of it at points in time and would want to go on diets together at others. she sometimes said negative things about the way i looked. and looks were always extremely important to her. i went from oblivious about these things to internalizing her thought patterns. i'm not anorexic and never acted on those thoughts (although one could say this recent water fasting thing is very much doing so).

i came across her again 2 weeks ago. it was really strange. i didn't have closure, was feeling good that day and there she was with her new boyfriend and an ice cream cone. i've been so angry with her for 'dumping' me at the height of my illness and leaving me with such a bad self image - i know i know she's not to blame. it was my own doing letting in those thoughts. but after all that time and effort investing in her and our friendship - never giving up. i was so pissed that that healthy, often happy part of my life was wasted and now i'm just sick all the time and haven't been able to move on and there she was walking hand in hand with her new boyfriend and eating an ice cream cone. part of me really me really loves her and is happy for her she's doing better and getting on with her life. but another part of me is so angry that i let her walk all over and treat me like that only to dump me when i was too ill to take care of her anymore. that really wasn't nice. i blamed my illness for our 'break-up', but now i'm starting to realize it's her. she just didn't treat me well and i let her be that way.

anyway so we chatted a bit. she's getting on with things. not doing great, but better. and then i set myself up for another blow: i sent her my email address as i thought we'd both moved on from the bad stuff and could catch up and maybe be friends again (also b/c that day i was feeling like my illness was over and so this would mean i could be a good friend again). but her reply to my quick and friendly email was from the same girl - formulated in the same way and saying "no i don't need your negative influence in my life". ouch, it sucked as sweet and friendly me is associated with something so negative - but after talking it over with other friends (who also know her) - i'm starting to realize it's just her - she' screwed up and i'm associated with the most difficult time in her life and she can't let it go. it's not my fault, but i was there for her and now she can't have me around.

ok so now positive coping strategies: first off i have to get some calories in when i'm feeling down - tea with honey, popsicles and if i can handle it strained fresh fruit juices are good options. then i need to get moving and/or out and about: some yoga exercises and/or cleaning helps me calm down and focus, then take a walk and/or call a friend of family member - but remember to keep my blood sugar up even while doing things - i think this is my best defense to the binging.

juicing

2008-05-21T22:30:00.007+02:00

today i had raw fruit & veggies juices, herbal tea with honey and a cup of homemade specific carbohydrate diet (scd) goats milk yoghurt. i had an iscador injection this evening. and i started taking a probiotic every evening last night and i've been doing 3x 20 drops of iberogast to help heal my digestive system.

i did my antroposophy exercises, some yoga and jump rope this morning. didn't get around to rebounding or jogging today. did do some walking while shopping on the market and of course the daily 10 min bike rides to/from work.

i'm not sure about the yoghurt. i can keep it down sometimes, but the next day i don't feel so well.

juicing

2008-05-20T21:44:00.006+02:00

it's only day 3?! it feels like i've been doing this forever. well actually i have hahaha, but i continually change things up. yesterday i was *full* of energy - had had an iscador injection the day before - i think that was the cause. the other reason could have been the raw chocolate i'd put in a smoothie the day before starting this oh so official juice fast. anyway it was fun :) i bought the rosetta stone online spanish subscription and did the first lesson. today i did the second. it's fun and i'm learning spanish!!!

anyway extremely tired today. had an egg yolk last night but it didn't fall well. i've had trouble keeping down some juices today. oh and this morning i did this antroposophy movement therapy. my GP had said this therapist was really good. it's supposed to help restore the "rhythm" of my digestive system. well whatever helps :) oh i rebounded yesterday and today :) no yoga though this morning b/c of the therapy. ah yes and she recommended jumping rope - i have one of those ;) so i guess the daily exercise routine is to include: therapy exercises, yoga, jump rope, rebounding, walking and maybe jogging. i so wanna be a sporty spice again ;)

as far as juices go. i drink a lot of watermelon and honey dew melon juice - these go well. i'm filtering all my juices now. i've had a tablespoon of vitamineral green daily. it didn't stay down today, can't remember about yesterday. i drank a bit of herbal tea with honey too.

juicing

2008-05-19T10:32:00.003+02:00

well i did a water/tea day 2 days ago and then tried a juice/soup day yesterday. at the end of the juice + soup all i wanted was fat. i had some coconut flakes with fruit and then avocado's. both did not stay down :( i wasn't very motivated for the juice fasting as although health is really important the dismal social life really didn't outweigh it. so i've rethought things a bit more and figured out something i'd really like to do for myself :) backpack through spain!!!

i've really wanted to get away from it all. have something to look forward to and keep me motivated in the mean time and isn't too expensive. this trip will take place in a little over 60 days from now, namely 12th of july til 20th of august. the last week will be in southern france with my family as my grandfather is celebrating his birthday there :) i'll go to a spanish language course from the 22nd - 27th of july and in between i'll just travel and see the sites and enjoy the beach :) i'm soooo excited!!! this is so much better than focusing on health. but of course in order to be able to do this i'll have to do a few things.

first off start off now with a 30 day juice fast. i'm considering going 60 days - it'd be best, but i want to make my goals obtainable. but according to my doc a couple of months of this then i can move on to smoothies and things and within a year i should be able to handle solids again..... so a juice fast is a really good start!

and then the really fun thing is in the mean time i'll do the rosetta stone online spanish course. so that i'll know enough spanish for the first leg of my trip. i think that will be barcelona and then travel south towards alicante which is near the spanish course i'm following. i'll also be able to plan and book my trip in the mean time.

and then there's work and the honours graduate summer school in amsterdam (yep get paid to go :)) that i'll be doing. such a trip will also keep me motivated for work - it's no longer a summer sitting in the office. glad i've got all those vacation days saved up!!!

the other thing i really want to do is exercise regularly. i started yoga yesterday morning (5 sun salutations A and 3 B) and i'll move up to the beginner's 15 min routine on my ashtanga yoga cd and then to the 45 min one). also daily rebounding and short jog. this should really get me in shape. i have to be careful not to get ahead of myself though - that will just be detrimental to my health.... boring!

ok so here we go day 1 of my (modified) juice fast of at least 30 days!

2008-05-16T16:47:00.005+02:00

well i know that i feel best when i steer clear of solid foods. i also know that i need to give my digestive system a good rest and time to heal. i also really want to feel wonderful and healthy and have the energy to do all the things i love in life :) so i think i should commit myself to a long stretch that although not without hardship will really get me healthy :) i'm thinking 100 days. starting today and ending august 24th.

the things i'll consider as part of the fasting regimen are:
water
fresh raw fruit and vegetable juices
herbal tea
homemade vegetable soup (broth or blended)
cold pressed olive and coconut oil
green powders (e.g. chlorella, spirulina, vitamineral green)
honey
maple syrup
i'm considering egg yolks and/or raw goat's milk yogurt

when unable to bring things or get something healthier then soda - with sugar not diet (e.g. cassis, ginger ale) will be good alternatives to keeping my energy up.

i'm going to take this in small bits. so first i'd like to be able to do this up to and including june 1st. it's my nephew's birthday and i'd like to feel (and look) well.

my next goal will be the end of the first week of the cognitive science summer school i'll be following. this will be challenging socially, but if i can manage juices then, then i'll be able to handle it for the rest of the summer.

i may go to sweden during the summer - that wouldn't be hard b/c my friend melanie will understand the need for me to do this.

if i go to france with family not all of them may understand, but if i drink some wine then i'm sure they won't complain. oeh, that i will add to my list. i really want to have fun too - not that i need alcohol for that, but the very occasional drink will do me a world of good socially which is way better for my well being.

2008-05-16T00:16:00.002+02:00

two binge and barf days. in the beginning the solid foods i tried could be considered healthy. i succumbed to my apple pie weakness today. my throat is burning. i don't really feel a guilt trip - its just a result of not having kept much down for days then i logically just want that sweet + fat combo. tomorrow back to juices or maybe even just water. we'll see. i'm ready to get back to feeling healthy. hopefully i'll last for a longer stretch this time given that i now know that oranges don't work for me :)

2008-05-14T13:09:00.001+02:00

updates from doctor today:
* parasitic infections are gone Smile
* currently intestines are very spastic, this may also be causing throwing up
* will take a year for digestive systems to heal
* food intolerences: ALL nuts, except cashews Sad AND ORANGES!!!! (this explains not being able to keep juices down all the time - i had asked for the test b/c a noticed a correlation with OJ consumption and juices not staying down)

treatment update:
* take iberogast 3x daily to help heal intestines
* take iscador to help with metabolism and producing enough body heat (i'm an iscicle)
* dietary advice: very low fiber (aka liquid) diet, increased need for protein (doc suggested goat's milk yoghurt or chicken soup)

obviously i'll continue with juices, but drop the OJ. not sure what to do about protein. i don't really get anything other than fruit and fat in at the moment. maybe i should try sashimi again, now without sipping OJ maybe it will go well.

2008-05-13T21:59:00.002+02:00

so i've had juices and in some cases with a bit of extra virgin olive oil mixed in. i haven't been keeping them down very well though. i think they might be too fibery or filling. that or i try to drink too much. watermelon juice went well. the rest not so good. so either watermelon went well b/c it's the least fibery or b/c its the first one i drank.... tomorrow i'll take a step back to clear liquids to get in a day without any throwing up.

2008-05-12T21:45:00.002+02:00

i did 2 days of lemonade, then started with juices (e.g. strawberry, watermelon, orange, tomato, cucumber, etc.)

the past couple of days i've felt excellent and been for plenty of long walks Smile i had an off day today - intestinal pain last night that kept me from sleeping and then tired all day plus i couldn't keep much down. i always get really hungry on days like this and want really filling fatty things - e.g. *lots* of bananas with olive oil - but eating always makes things worse and then i stay sick for days, so i'm glad i managed to stick to my juices :)

and tomorrow's another day and i should feel a lot better after a bit of rest

i hope to stick to only juices with the occaisional olive oil for the next week - then i can be pretty sure my system is cleared out.

i haven't taken anymore oxy-powder - i think its the cause of my intestinal trouble lately

2008-05-09T22:06:00.002+02:00

so today was half water and then b/c i was tired and still had to work i switched to MC lemonade (had 5 glasses). I'll start tommorrow off with water and then see from there. I still feel good and happy :) other than a bit of fatigue no detox problems - oh wait except for the iscador injection this morning - its all swollen and painful still - hadn't had that before. but i'm too tired now so off to bed :)

day 2

2008-05-08T23:42:00.004+02:00

wow, today was easy too. i can't believe it! i had a bit of trouble in the early afternoon feeling faint and slightly nauseous, but i drank some more water and went for a walk and felt better soon. the oxypowder pills last night did help some, but not enough - so today i've squeezed a bit of lemon juice into the water. i won't use the pills further into my fast, but for these foirst few days i really feel the need to empty things on the inside. i'll be really proud of myself if i complete tomorrow again with only water. after that i'll just really listen to my body - that's the best advice i've read on curezone.

so far i haven't noticed any weight loss. i just feel good and am enoying my work and leisure :)

2008-05-07T21:53:00.003+02:00

it's nearly bedtime and water fasting today has been a breeze. i actually got a lot of work done and had a chance to enjoy the good weather :) the hard part will start tomorrow... that's when the liver and muscle glycogen depots are emptied and the body switches to ketone metabolism (e.g. burning body fat). i'll see how i do. i'm going to take oxy-powder tonight - last night i was too ill to swallow the pills.

2008-05-07T13:21:00.003+02:00

i've started fasting today. so far only water. it feels good. the three things i'm focussed on for my health right now are:
(1) empty bowels - this is because they are full, crampy, gassy and need a rest
(2) detox - obviously (1) will help with this, but i also want to burn off excess fat in which toxins apparently accumulate - i certainly notice that i gain a lot of fat quickly when i eat unhealthily - so i'm guessing that burning this is a good thing
(3) heal digestive system - (1) is a prerequisite and (2) will be my energy supplier while my digestive systems rests and heals

i think i'll switch between water and juices. i'm scared of water fasting for more than 3 days because i've often read that you need supervision. on the other hand i really want to get healthy fast! but i don't think that impatience will help me here... so i suppose my goal right now is to water fast for 3 days and then depending on how i feel make a new goal. i'm so curious how this will go! i'm looking forward to the time i can spend on making plans - such as finding volunteer work to do (i'd really like to work with kids) - and doing some walking and enjoying the sunshine :)

oh one more health thing: i need to keep my body heat up!! i am taking iscador and using a copper salve from weleda as prescribed by my GP (yes a medical doctor into natural things) to aid in this. he doesn't know about my fast. i'm also seeing an MD specialized in bioresonance therapy. i go there next wednesday - i may tell him. i'm sure he'll think i'm crazy... but at least a medical professional will know what i'm up to.

2008-05-06T22:59:00.003+02:00

hmmm well yesterday and today i've been binging rather than fasting. of course with the binging (yesterday chocolate mousse - healthy raw food version, but still and today totally unhealthy - apple pie + raw cheese). given the gastroparesis i can't keep the food down and i feel pretty crappy with abdominal pain afterwards. but i'll just have to forgive and forget and move on. the binge started because i wasn't even able to keep down the lemonade very well - i think its too sharp for me right now. tommorrow i'll start with water and herbal teas then slowly move towards non acidic juices - e.g. cucumber-melon. also i may need to just make a oral rehydration salt mixture - that should go well too. i'm not sure how long i'll stick to only liquids, i'd like to get to a point where i can handle smoothies, soups and maybe homemade yoghurt - so that i'll get in all the necessary fiber and protein without supplements. i will continue with my favourite supplement: vitamineral green. after i've gotten my intestines feeling ok again. right now they're the focus: healing my intestines - they need it!!!! i've been torturing them since october. tonight i'll start with oxy-powder supplements - i have enough for 5 days. it should clear out the worst and then juicing will do the rest :)

ok so now it's time to set some clear but not too difficult goals, but still take it one day at a time, so tommorrow:
(1) only liquids that don't irritate - start with water, herbal tea and slowly move to ORS and then juices
(2) grade my bachelor students' papers
(3) take a walk though the nearby park
(4) call the physiotherapist that my colleague recommended

so finally tommorrow i'm going to have a *good* day again :)

2008-05-05T01:54:00.003+02:00

it's been 5 months. i had given up on juice feasting as i was battling parasites. giardia to be specific. now 2 antibiotic courses later my most recent test came up negative :) i have another test in a few weeks to be sure. but in the mean time it seems that parasites aren't my only ailment - gastroparesis is still the case. i still can't keep much solid food down - a lot of it comes back up undigested. i am able to tolerate fats much better than before. an avocado or some olive oil doesn't cause immediate nausea - so that's certainly an improvement and it's most likely due to less critters (noticed it immediately after the first course of antibiotics). i've gained quite a bit of weight. i suppose some is good, but now its too much - my gp said that my metabolism isn't functioning properly. i'm scared to try any cleanses or calorie restriction because i don't want to ruin my metabolism. on the other hand i think going back to juices is a good thing as it will supply all required nutrients and give my digestive system its required rest. before when doing cleanses i expected the gastroparesis to be healed and that i could get back to solid foods. now i don't expect this. all i expect is to feel good and relatively healthy without vomiting (and hopefully clear up the acne i've developed these past months!). anyway so i plan on trying a 10 day master cleanse starting tomorrow. but i plan on drinking the maximum of lemonade and exercising to keep my metabolism working.

cheers,
ces

happy new year!

2008-01-01T12:46:00.000+01:00

wow another year has passed! the best thing that happend to me this past year was starting my job last january. i am a phD student and do parttime teaching. i love the work! well most of it anyway ;) it was my main goal - i wrote a letter to myself at the beginning of the year (my then current self congratulating my future self on all the cool things in my life). well at least that part worked. the health hasn't yet...

another great thing this year was figuring out what i want from life in general - this happend because unlike the previous year where i started to shut myself up in my appt b/c of illness - i put myself out there: job interview which i prepared well, rather than let it slide and hope for the best; i went on a long vacation in the states visiting different places and people that i was actually scared of what they might think of me with wierd eating habits and getting sick all the time and i did lots of cool things of which i must admit my favorite was hiking - i love being out in nature.

also i've figured out a lot of health stuff. (1) according to a tropics doctor that i recently visited - i have long term giardiasis, (2) totally can't handle carbs (although fruit is not a prob) - get very short but major depressive episodes from these - excluding these totally (also carby nuts/seeds/veggies) i am emotionally rock stable, (3) i do better incl. animal products in my diet (love organic sashimi!) and i'm working towards raw eggs - b/c i am convinced raw is better, and (4) have candida overgrowth which i need to deal with (5) juicing makes my digestive system sluggish and i don't realy feel better with it - i feel great though on green smoothie days - including the fiber does me good!

i think the parasites stuck in my upper small intestine are what is causing the nausea and all. i have recently completed a antibiotic treatment and am now trying antiparasite cure from healthforce. but these don't stay down very well. i'll just keep trying b/c i think it must be the parasites batteling them.

so like i said i think raw is better but also that you do need to have a strong digestive system to deal with some raw foods - i think cooking food predigests which can be very helpful if your intestines can't handle raw fibery vegetables! i find greens and fruit really easy on the digestive system though.

last year my goal was to find a phD position and i managed that on dec 21st 2007. this year my goal is get healthy again (no more throwing up, have the energy to go out and have fun). i have really been missing my fruit and green smoothie diet - so i am going to take that up again, but now include the young coconut milk yogurt from the scdiet and sashimi for the extra protein (tried hemp powder and got awful sick - like from carbs from it). i guess i'll also try mixing fresh eggs into banana smoothies. and of course the occasional veggie soup and possibly chicken broth - whatever works... so wish me luck! i really hope i can

2007-12-18T18:59:00.000+01:00

healthwise i don't have a lot to say other than i still can't keep solid food down. homemade blended vegetable broth no oil goes ok and fresh juices, but i haven't had a lot of those lately - haven't been in the mood. i keep trying different things that my dietitian suggests. the next thing is homemade almond and/or goat milk yogurt - i hope i can find some raw goat milk, but that's really hard here, they are required by law to pasteurize it i think - everything in the stores in pasteurized. it really doesn't make sense - do we pasteurize mother's milk?! no, b/c the all the good bacteria which build up the baby's immune system would die. i really see little point in having pasteurized milk - then of course there's the question of whether adults should have milk but i'll know soon enough after i try it if it feels right or not. really trying to listen to and trust my body and drop any ideologies or pretenses about how my mind thinks my body should be - after all we (my descartes syndrome) both only really want me to get better :) i have noticed that my bloated stomach is much better when i avoid all sugars/carbs except monosaccharides like raw honey and fruit.

what now?

2007-12-14T02:37:00.000+01:00

after getting quite ill from various vegan foods yesterday and today, but also having read that fiber is good for parasites (thnx rawbydefault) and is a prerequisite to healing the intestinal lining and lack of actually increases permeability (http://www.mdheal.org/leakygut.htm) being backed up by my personal experience that my problems have only gotten worse over the years despite numerous juice fasts (without limiting how much juice i was drinking). i am thinking of not doing another juice feast for now - at least not long term. but what am i going to do? my nutrtionist suggested following the specific carbohydrate diet. i looked up the dutch version of this site: www.breakingtheviciouscycle.info and noticed that all of the unallowed foods (complex carbs, starches) always cause problems also that many of the 'allowed in a later stage' foods (beans, nuts) also lead to problems. But other high GI things such as honey don't - which is also allowed on this diet. I have decided to juice for 2 days to stop the nausea and vomitting that is currently keeping me awake at night and then start with my own mostly raw version of this diet. i plan on making my own yoghurt from almond milk :) that should get my gut filled with the right bacteria! btw this diet is well researched and used for autism. i bet it will also help with my very strange emotional zombie dips after eating any complex carbs (incl. raw cashews, maca powder) or unripe bananas. oh and another interesting thing is that bee pollen isn't allowed - this also gave me that feeling...

New Diagnosis

2007-12-11T19:14:00.000+01:00

Woah - just got off the phone with my specialist from the hospital - got a new diagnosis. Apparently I don't have gastroparesis - but all of my problems are caused by the viral infections and parasites I had picked up in my trips to the tropics. On the one hand this is good news - not necessarily a lifetime affliction. Only "bad" news is that besides trying the anti-parasitic infection medication again there are no known cures - its only recent research that has pointed out that these type of infections can lead to years of digestive distress such as mine. Of course other sufferers already have known this to be true. And I am only to happy to try natural healing methods. I sure am glad I ordered the Healthforce Nutritionals parasite cure. The other information and advice I got from the specialist was to work with small meals and avoid fats as I have a small stomach for which both larger meals and fat tend to cause problems.

11 & 12 - break feast

2007-12-11T13:02:00.000+01:00

i was still under the weather yesterday. i had:

1L lemon water + dash of MSM -> no bad results from it this time
1L celery-carrot-parsley-apple-lemon-ginger + green powders
-> i felt sick to my stomach from this and didn't keep it all down
3T bee pollen
-> felt sick again, but didn't throw up
1/2L celery-carrot-apple-orange-lemon-ginger juice + 1/2t hemp seed oil
-> got very sick to my stomach and vowed never to have oil again, the taste alone already set me off

i was feeling quite hungry and weak and the thought of another juice grossed me out. i already know that short water fasts always end up in terrible cravings for me so i chose to break the feast by having some homemade vegetable soup with a dash of himlaya salt. the taste was very satisfying, but i threw this up as well.

i'm satisfied with the 10 days of feasting - the main positive difference was less throwing up than usual 'before' post. i'll continue to use the juices as a mainstay, but not call it a feast anymore and have other things such as green smoothies when i feel the need - i've been wanting fiber the past couple of days.

now i'm wondering what to do with my diet. i am pretty good with juices. green smoothies seem to go good as well, which is actually strange b/c all the fiber should be bad for gastroparesis. actually since i have this illness my green smoothie phase with zero fats worked best for my health (my energy levels soared) i just craved fat and protein like mad!!!! and btw i think 'dr.' graham (i have his books) is a pseudo-scientist - misquoting and misusing published research, but i have found that the 80-10-10 diet works for me for short amounts of time - until the need for fat/protein kicks in.

maybe this time if i add more greens and some protein powder? for my own personal values i don't have to be strict raw or vegan, although the idealism behind it i love, espcially environmental concerns and sustainability. i also feel very compassionate about humane treatment of animals, but my same concerns go for all living things - so plants too! i also love raw vegan food, but right now all i really want is to be a healthy, happy compassionate human being and will do what it takes to get there (just wish i consiously *knew* what that was - i know that in the end i'm the only one who can solve this puzzle).

some of the questions i'm asking myself:
* should i have or exclude fruit? i love the taste and crave it when i try a few days without fruit, but its said to be bad for intestinal problems such as candida.
* should i continue with MSM? i'll look for some documented info on this...
* should i try to stay raw? i'll always be high raw, but maybe cooking does just ease digestion. i've read of decent counter studies to the whole enzyme debate...
* should i strive for a vegan or vegetarian lifestyle? i've been vegan or vegetarian for most of my life, but i can't handle grains, legumes or nuts and so vegan seems impossible. cooked vegetables and tubers are ok if i don't overeat, but i have an overating problem (actually my portions are probs normal, but i can't handle normal portions) with high GI cooked foods and always end up throwing up.
* should i move towards a paleo diet? i've read articles published in medical journals that support this. my mother who i am way too similar to is doing very well with this. i just am still feeling rather indoctrinated about the whole vegan/vegetarian question - that the meat may rot in my insides. i'll have to look into what this is based on...

anyway today it will be lemon water and green juices and maybe a green smoothie.

10 - flu

2007-12-10T09:33:00.000+01:00

i slept really late. i had had trouble sleeping b/c of intestinal upset. this lasted all morning as well - i'm pretty sure it was the MSM b/c i smelled like a volcano.

i had a fun day visiting a friend, but later got a high fever and went to bed 8 hours earlier than usual. that was really good b/c i'm trying to turn my rhythm around. i finally got up at a more reasonable hour this morning 9 o'clock - yay! it's funny thinking back on last night - i felt soooo sick almost as sick as i had felt when i got so ill in the tropics years ago (when my health problems got to be so bad). i was thinking maybe i was finally getting rid of that virus, and i was thinking about the long recovery this would take but how healthy i'd be when done, but i'm pretty sure now its just the flu - lots of ppl have it right now.

yesterday i had:
1L lemon water
1L green lemonade: lettuce-apple-lemon-ginger juice
.5L pau d'arco tea with honey
.5L water

9 - doubt

2007-12-08T21:04:00.000+01:00

i am now listening to my ultimate emo artist - jeff buckley. i haven't found anything to top it - NIN sometimes comes close... today i really wanted to stop w/ the so-called feast and it turned into an emotional day - now that its nearly over i can say its been good.

it started with some criticism from a good friend. i then looked online for inspiration and saw the dogmatism and unscientific claims that claim to be scientific in the raw food and vegan movements and alternative medicine. And just as well in traditional medicine where the expert are no smarter than me - they know just about the human body as i do of my area of expertise - and the more you learn the less you know... not to mention the many problems with methodology in medical studies - will be glad when my knowledge of statistics is so sound that i can see straight through the mess of claims. someday - next time i get bored i need to work on that.

but the point is doubt. is this really the best thing for me? no one knows 'the answer' and what has helped one person may not be best for me. the only way figure out is for me to try. and to make things even more interesting is that what's best changes as i grow and change. does it all come down to 'know thyself' - i mean with everything - life, love, happiness? nah - the happiest times for me were often unexpected interruptions, surprising myself or a chance intense conversation with a stranger or friend, impulsive actions, the wilderness, unsuspected talent in others, expression in general - those things that require one to be open and wholly unselfconsious. wow life can be so beautiful. i wonder: what am i doing here shut in with my juices? there's more to health than just my digestive system ;)

oh my wisdom teeth were hurting today - one is really starting to grow! there aren't really any other changes yet. i had expected to have lost a bit of weight - i would like to lose the 5 kilos i gained from recent hormone treatment, but alas its all still there! i told myself i'd lose 2 by monday :)

today:
1L lemon water + MSM
1L green lemonade (with kale)
1L green lemonade (with kale)
1L OJ + green powders
3T bee pollen
1L celery-apple-ginger juice
.5L carrot-beet-celery-salt juice + 2T hemp seed oil
3T bee pollen -> spit it up (not on purpose)

8

2007-12-08T00:44:00.000+01:00

not so easy day and threw up from hemp oil tonight. i think oil may not be a good thing - ugh! put away the oil and get back out the bee pollen? i dunno :( it took me an extra day to get over my last oil upset as yesterday i had trouble keeping things down. today went well i was feeling energetic and alas after i found my hemp oil and MSM package after work i though ah cool all is complete i'll do this juice feast thing as advised - i feel so sick to my stomach now and yes i had too much i think a whooping 3T this evening? of course none of it stayed down. what a waste of money.

ok that was my rant. now back to rational. did all 3 exercises today :) did the enema - was 'relieving' shall i say? had OJ with green powders instead of MC today - tasted good and was certainly more sustaining.

1L lemon water
1L green lemonade
1L orange juice w/ green powders
2L thai green
1L carrot-celery-beet-hemp seed oil + dash of himlaya salt
.5L orange juice w/ green powders

it was good day i guess - once i put things into perspective and the best thing is tommorrow is another ;)

7

2007-12-06T23:43:00.000+01:00

wow day 7 - yes! one week :-) first off thanks for the comments! its pretty cool that someone has actually read this stuff. i did end up having some not so juicy things late last night - first i had a cup of vegetable broth and then 2T coconut oil mixed with raw yakon syrup. i wasn't emotionally distract, so it didn't feel like emotional cravings for food - i just think i didn't get enough calories in the day before plus with the throwing up i must need more salt - for this i decided to juice 2 heads of celery a day. my needs were clearly met as i had no cravings at all today :) oh but i did throw up both broth and the coconut oil last night. i also had a bit of a spit up of green juice this morning and much more so this evening :( this led me to postpone my yoga class - didn't think headstands were a good idea ;)

so what i had today:
1 L lemon water
1 L green lemonade no green powders
2 L master cleanser
3 L green juices with apple, lemon and ginger (threw up 1 L though) + 2T green powder in each
.5 L tea with just a touch of honey
1 L lemon water

i did my short morning yoga routine, 1 hr to/fro work walking. had a lovely evening chatting and watching a chic flick with a good friend. and btw i have been doing skin brushing every day before my hot/cool shower -> my skin is sooooo soft now. i skipped the enema today - it didn't seem necessary as my bowels are moving a little too well. tommorrow i'll do an eval on all of my before points...

cheers,
ces

2007-12-05T21:46:00.000+01:00

today has been the hardest juice day so far!!!! and yesterday it was so easy. today i found myself eating tablespoons of honey and taking in 2x as much green powders. have i not been getting enough in the past couple of days? my intestines have been going crazy today - maybe that's the reason - that takes energy too. didn't do an enema today. i did do my exercises all three :) maybe its also that i'm not getting the fat in, which is a lot of calories on its own. hmmmmm. we'll never know for sure, but i've gotten through the day without ending the feast so that's good :)

i've had:
1 L lemon water
1 L greens + apple juice + 1T pure synergy + 1T chlorella + dash E3 renew me
1 L master cleanser
1 L master cleanser
1.5 L greens + apple juice + 1T pure synergy + 1T chlorella + dash E3 renew me
.5 L lettuce - carrot - beet - ginger juice + 1T pure synergy + 1T chlorella + dash E3 renew me + salt
.5 L lettuce + apple + ginger juice + 1T pure synergy + 1T chlorella + dash E3 renew me
2 T honey
.5 L tea with honey
.5 L tea with honey

6

2007-12-04T23:26:00.000+01:00

wow is it already day 6. i feel like i haven't even gotten started. right now it seems like this is going to be really easy, but only time will tell. i am thinking about christmas and new years though. i'm not sure how i'll manage those two days. another thing is travelling to other cities to visit friends - also kind of messes up my juicing routine, but then again i can always bring the master cleanser lemonade with me. today only a short headache. i haven't had any other detox symptoms really. My belly is quite gurgly today. I didn't have any pollen or oil as both are gone. i do feel better with them out of the house. don't crave it at all right now.

i am considering buying some hemp protein powder. should i? i don't think it would be considered part of the juice feast, but i do think my nutritionist, mother and grandmother would be glad i was getting in my protein... they may be right given my circumstances and the months, well years actually of throwing up so often.

i didn't get up until 11:30 today. i started off with the yoga, lemon water and enema. made 2 MC lemonades and then had 3.5 L of veggie juices with apple when I got home. I got in my greens (kale, bak choy, spinach, lettuce) and celery. although i wonder if my juicer is good enough with greens - so little juice comes out! i started growing sprouts and 2 trays of wheat grass yesterday - i'll process them with the hand juicer - argh annoying, but then will be getting even more greens. oh and i also had a couple of carrots and two beets in two of the liters of juice. in both cases with salt mixed in. i find it really satisfying, but at a certain point i'd had enough and threw out that last bit of juice.

i walked to and from work (1 hr total) but i didn't rebound today - probs tommorrow. oh and i am doing a tryout lesson at a yoga center nearby this thursday. i'm looking forward to it - oh but now i'm worried about the bathroom issues - hope i don't have any then!

cheers,
ces

5

2007-12-03T19:16:00.000+01:00

got up at 10:30 today - i'm aiming to get up at 7 - we'll see how quickly i can accomplish that ;) i started work again today (last week i had stayed home due to the flu). i was excited to go - didn't get there until 14:00 but luckily as long as i get things done the times i work don't matter much. i walked to/from work which gives me an hour outside walking so already an improvement on my exercise compared to yesterday. i also did 30 min of rebounding this evening while watching a gilmore girls rerun :) i had a major headache aftwerwards which i attempted to solve with a second enema - i guess it improved some as i am sitting here typing, but its still lingering... right now i am having a cup of pau d'arco tea with honey - its nice to have something warm - feeling cold and sort of sickly right now.

i finished of my pot of bee pollen this morning (2.5 T) and i am going to leave that out for a while, its too much like eating, which leads me to want more.

thowing up - alas i couldn't keep the flax seed oil down - that bottles finished now too. i think i'll leave it out as well until the online order of hemp seed oil arrives

juices today: 1 L lemon water, 1 L green lemonade + 1 T pure synergy, 2x 1 L master cleanser (brought this to work), 1 L thai green, .3 L OJ + 1 T pure synergy & 1 t E3 renew me, .5 L paksoy-carrot-celery-purslane-beet-cilantro-chlorella-salt juice, more tea with honey

4

2007-12-03T00:57:00.000+01:00

12:00 woke up and had .75 L lemon water - delicious
did 5 sun salutations and skin brushing
13:00 1 L thai green
15:00 1 L OJ + 2T green powders
17:00 1 L thai green, 2 T flaxseed oil + 3T bee pollen
18:30 2 enema
19:00 1 L green lemonade
21:00 1 L OJ + 2T green powders

didn't throw up today :) felt pretty good. i do think that cabbage in my juice is too heavy so today i stuck to the lighter greens. kale was in my green lemonade, but ithink that's too sharp for me right now too, but i first have to finish what i've bought ;)

i didn't exercise at all today! that wasn't so smart, but tommorrow i'll get right back on it :) i go to work tommorrow - half day in the afternoon. i can work at home in the morning. i've decided to bring the master cleanser as my juice - little preparation and less chance of comments from colleagues.

3

2007-12-01T20:06:00.000+01:00

12:00 woke up and had .75 L lemon water - delicious
did 5 sun salutations and skin brushing
13:00 2 L green lemonade + 2t E3 renew me over the course of 1 - 2 hrs while grading papers
15:00 natren probiotics + cup of pau d'arco tea with 1/2 teaspoon honey
15:30 shopping + long walk (total 2 hrs) with my brother :)
17:30 1.5 L carrot-apple-lemon-ginger juice, graded papers
18:30 headache -> 2 enema's
19:30 .5 L green lemonade + 1.5t pure synenergy -> threw up some
2 T flaxseed oil + 3T bee pollen
20:15 3 cups of vegetable broth -> oeps not really juice feasting :(
22:00 2 cups of vegetable broth, 2 T flaxseed oil + 3T bee pollen

today i was more tired. i think having juice meals was helpful - rather than drinking all day i feel like i managed 3 good meals. after throwing up though i wanted salt - i don't have any kelp powder so i juist went ahead and had the veggie broth.

i wonder if my headache was caused by the high sugar in the carrot-apple juice or if it was a general detox symptom. it is over now, but it didn't go away right after the enema's.

juice feast goals

2007-11-30T11:49:00.000+01:00

* stop nausea and vomiting - measure by frequency
* heal inflammation in digestive tract - subjective measure or another endoscopy (i don't think so!)
* clean out digestive tract - subjective measure + waist circumference -> used to be 56 cm when not swollen and clogged
* rebalance intestinal bacteria - subjective + maybe reduction in intestinal cramping
* rid of intestinal candida overgrowth - again subjective + maybe less cramps
* rid of cellulite - guess i have to take photo's now ;)
* regular menstral cycle - no more ammenorea

before

2007-11-30T11:30:00.000+01:00

i think its handy to document how i'm doing healthwise so that i have something to compare to:

hair and nails: dry and brittle, have a bit of a fungus growing under my right ring finger - i know eeeew...

skin: face is very soft with a few pimples - not many and not very visible - skin doesn't look clear though - reddish and blotchy, the rest is very dry and wrinkled - you can see the white dry patches especially on my calves (probably because of shaving my legs?), also i have little red bumps on my upper arms and thighs, cellulite has become a problem - didn't used to have it, but i think all the gaining and losing due to my stomach problems have taken their toll

eyes: are grey-green-blue and whites have yellow spots, some beginning wrinkles around the eyes

mouth/teeth: teeth not so white anymore, gum is coming loose so that the root is exposed on some teeth, cracks/sores on sides of mouth from vomitting acid

feet: had a strange callus under my left foot for years - sometimes painful - if this goes away then we know this juice feasting really heals!

measurements: weight = 57 kg (high for me - especially because i don't keep much food down, but probs due to hormone cure, bloating and constipation), chest = 85, waist = 66, hips = 94, thighs = 54, calves = 35, upper arms = 28, forearms = 22 -> in each case measured largest circumference. also handy to know: height = 171 cm and frame is small to medium -> i can easily grasp my wrist from thumb to ring finger and that my fingers overlap to just past the fingernails.

menstral cycle: ammenorea for 2.3 years. recently took hormones -> progesterone challenge to see if i would evt. be able to have children. the results were positive, so its really a question of getting my nutrition right and then this should improve.

health complaints: throwing up! this will hopefully stop today now that i know to filter my juice and limit my portions to max. .75 L to drink over the course of at least 30 min (have a small stomach) AND candida overgrowth and bacterial dysbiosis in intestines

medication: recently have had a progesterone cure, antibiotics and stomach motility drug, domperidon

2

2007-11-30T10:41:00.000+01:00

08:30 alarm clock went off - stayed in bed a while
10:00 yoga: 5 sun salutations - by the end feeling much more flexible :)
10:30 slowly drink .75 L water + juice of 1 lemon while answering emails
11:30 dry skin brush + hot/cold shower
12:00 enema (EM) first time -> 2 BM's went and felt ok
12:30 slowly drink .5 L green lemonade: endive, green cabbage, celery, cucumber + 1 lemon + 2 apples
13:15 walking outside -> running errands
14:15 slowly drink 1.5 L thai green: bok choy + endive + celery + pineapple + apple + lime + bit of ginger while grading term papers
16:00 .5 L carrot-apple-endive-ginger juice, 2T flax seed oil and 2T bee pollen -> again felt a little nauseous after the oil + pollen but didn't throw this up
16:30 1 L carrot-apple-cuke-mango juice -> mango was too fibery -> threw up
17:00 1 hour rebound with weights while watching a tv show
18:00 graded papers, did grocery shopping
19:30 1.3 L tomato-cucumber-bellpepper-orange-ginger juice, mixed in 2t E3 renew me -> threw up .5 L, graded papers,
20:00 again 2T flax seed oil + 2T pollen -> already sick to stomach so no distinguishing feeling,
21:00 4 cups pau d'arco tea with 2T honey
00:00 bedtime

1

2007-11-29T23:54:00.000+01:00

so this has been my first day of juice feasting. I've had about 4.5 liters of juice. most of the juices have been a mix of different kind of green cabbages (very cheap here!), carrots, celery and apple. i had trouble keeping my juice down until i started filtering them through a cheesecloth to remove more fiber. i also had one glass of tangerine juice with vitamineral green and E3 renew me. I added these two green supplements to two glasses of juice as well. I had more than one head of celery - i like the taste. my big problems are that i don't 'chew' my juices well enough and that i had too much flax seed oil (5 tablespoons!) and also too much bee pollen (4T). I really liked the taste of both. i thought with my health condition i may need the extra fat and protein, but i got soooooo sick to my stomach an hour later that i don't think i should go overboard with either again.

then other imporant aspects besides what i'm drinking. about 5 bm's today and didn't try the enema yet. i bounced on my new rebounder with some weights for about 30 min. and also did a total of 45 min walking. no yoga, dancing or skin brushing. also my drinking wasn't on a schedule, but i do plan on working with one given that it's said to prevent the body from entering a starvation mode and causing food searching and bingeing - definitely don't want that!

i am very excited that i will probably feel better in a few days from now and look better in a few weeks. i should post "where i'm at" and "where i'm going" - to get my goals clear and keep my motivation high :) maybe tommorrow...

Juice Feasting

2007-11-29T16:12:00.001+01:00

If you want to know what juice feasting is check out this link: juicefeasting.com

Angela Stokes who juice feasted a year ago has been an inspiration: Raw Reform

Supplements

2007-11-29T15:55:00.000+01:00

hemp seed oil - i bought this online yesterday, in the mean time i will use flax seed oil

coconut oil - i have some of this, but i prefer to use it externally than internally. i use it as a moisturizer and have the softest skin - if i do say so myself ;)

MSM - I ordered this online yesterday - it should arrive tommorrow... there's also MSM in the E3 renew me, so i'm already getting some in.

Bee pollen - going to get some from the health food store right now!

Green powders - i love vitamineral green, but i just finished the bottle. i will use E3 renew me + pure synergy + powdered chlorella this coming month and get some new vitamineral green supplies around christmas

Enzymes - powder from E3 is what i'm using right now, but i'll look into getting vitalzym

Probiotics - dairyfree trinity from Natren - also prescribed by my nutritionist - help to build up after the antibiotics i've been taking

Candiclear - prescribed by my nutritionist - to clear up candida infection in blood/bowels

Iberogast - prescribed by my nutritionist - herbal tincture that works wonders on my digestive system

parasite formula - i plan on using the health force formula at some point during my cleanse - i have a history of parasites - even ascaris worms - eeeeeeeewwwwww so i would be happy to be really sure that all of them are gone, gone, gone!

Equipment

2007-11-29T14:23:00.000+01:00

Stuff I'm planning on using regularly on my juice feast are:

citrus juicer - quick and easy, but i'll have to be careful about not letting a lot of fiber through as that will keep my stomach from emptying

solis juice fountain - it's a powerful centrifugal juicer

dry skin brush - i'm using a hemp 'glove' from the body shop - i can't get to my back with it though

electronic tooth brush and a teaspoon for tongue scraping - not spending money on that!

simple enema kit - i'm a little scared but i'll do anything to feel healthy again :)

walking/running shoes - its an old pair, but i'm sure they'll do!

mini-trampoline - i ordered a really cheap one online (only 39 euros!) it should last me long enough to get its money's worth

simple 2x 2kg weights which I can use while jumping (and watching tv ;) - my other hobby besides work)

stereo!!! i plan on putting some dancing music on daily to get me happy and moving. i suppose i should also work on getting a guided meditation cd - maybe then i can actually give meditating a try.

power yoga dvd - a good friend gave me this a little over a year ago - its been really handy in my yoga phases - i hope to make a habit of using it again

0

2007-11-29T00:13:00.000+01:00

so the day before i start my juice feast journey has just ended. i've been reading some blogs of juice feaster's who have gone before me which i've found really helpful. my main inspiration is angela stokes from rawreform. my problems are very different than where she comes from although i do think i'm an overeater - the consequences for me are just very different - nausea and vommitting due to a stomach that absolutely can't handle it - rather than weight gain. i just like her style: its seems really honest and down to earth and the strength of character to do what she's down - she's certainly an inspiration!

i don't know how many days i'll juice feast nor do i have specific goals at this point. all i know is that i want to feel good again and that solid food does not work for me, plus i want to approach my health challenge with a natural solution :) oh and i love raw foods - of course these are the hardest for someone with gastroparesis to keep down - but i would love to be able to live off of fruits, avocados, nuts, smoothies, salads and gourmet raw foods... i have had spells that i tried it before i knew what was causing me to get so sick all the time. but i haven't been totally raw or totally vegan for long periods.

i haven't gotten all of the things i need for following the juice feast program to a 't' just yet. some of the things i probably won't be able to afford so i'll just do the best i can - anything is better than my current diet. i try to eat salads, fruits, cooked soups, fish, eggs (both often raw) and i can't keep much of it down. some must seep through because i haven't lost much weight (i am slim, but not too skinny right now). also, i do juice a lot and literally sip oils from the bottle. but daily vomitting is destroying my esophagus and my digestive tract is rather inflammed. not to mention the effects of what the medication i've been taking to keep some food down has had... so here i go :) i'm looking forward to feeling great again (and maybe even better than that)!!!!
cheers,
ces